*goes off on universities for 10 minutes*
~"self authoring program increases likelihood of men to stay in university"~
"I'm contributing to the problem!"

https://youtu.be/vwKCK5EhibM?si=QvzrbmCUijVkwCCz
~"if you're not suffering yet, all you have to do is wait"~
~9:00 "hell is a bottomless pit... it's reasonably probable that you're that idiot"

https://youtu.be/j0GL_4cAkhI?si=6NwQQx_M8KQZaM5j
~4-5:00 prager says peterson is a good man, Peterson refuses to admit he's good, then says roundaboutly that he does things that are "somewhat approximating good"
43:00 "i live in a constant state of disbelief"
"don't worry about that, it was only 200"
"who in the world would come to hear me tell you what I told you"
46:00 "'this was our anniversary present' you people are out of your minds!"

https://youtu.be/pZKuwgcKXwY?si=LHNUqPH_aOEDu8iK
1:21:00 "how many shots to the head did you have to take before you thought being a stand up comedian was a good idea?

---
story where he was gonna get in a fight and his mom chose not to intervene "yeah mom and because of you, I think I already lost"
---

https://youtu.be/JpA5iDpnrbw?si=j1HPXvELczHDMEuK
~14:30 gender, sex, so that's already 70 different things... "that'd be funny if it wasn't true"

"bilbo... or was it frodo? doesn't really matter, it's one of those little hobbits anyways" - he can seriously NEVER remember their names!!

~"so, back to x... I might manage this..."~

"an eagle can see a dime from the top of the empire state building. although why an eagle would be interested in that isn't obvious to me."

~"if you have 98% seller rating on ebay, you're a crook, we need better than that"~

---

basically anytime he says "I'm serious!" "I'm dead serious about that." cuz that's when he accidentally makes people laugh

---

53:59
*carrot chopping noises* EXCELLENT joke

1:15:45 "so you're nonbinary. so now what? I'm dead serious about that"
"let's say you're straight and you're heterosexual. wait, those are the same things."
1:21:31 "you'd never guess this from my past... all my interactions... are positive"
"maybe he's half civilized at this point"
https://youtu.be/R4vXeTx0i-E?si=1w7ShJN9a-27_uCE&t=356
woman "my husband and I agreed that we would do whatever you say"
woman mocking husband "i told you so"
9:34 "you seem to think they're a bunch of whiners."
"oh, I think it's true!"
"we're all here, and we're all peaceful - at the moment -"
14:30 crowdwork moment but I didn't quite hear it

https://youtu.be/6bHX5W55Fdw?si=i1-bzVys0GMMjkGj&t=221
arrogant chat "it's almost as arrogant as adam's was stupid"
"look... buddy." "being God and all"
"delivered by God... it's hard to argue with"

https://youtu.be/S0P6H7cm0E4?si=i5BbqjRDJdFkvq24&t=1966
"to see what happens, and I certainly saw what happened"

https://youtu.be/R-z92l0kPls?si=XxZpYBi0c_0d5jEl&t=720
nietzche's most arrogant statement yet again
"that's no good, thinking about things"
"rats, they're not much like human beings... but that's wrong... some of you probably more than that!"
~25:00 dude whose roommate was elon musk, full story

https://youtu.be/dPv1RYsi7sA?si=Ag8nrvCXgqAjC5Cl&t=1404
possibly best delivery for the elon musk breakdown cuz punchline
"turns out the pollution was really good for the fish"
59:16 "non competitive monopoly"
"the wall wasn't on fire before he showed up"
"an anti-plumber"
this entire plumber bit is great
then the plumber gangs and the tattooed massage therapists
"lobsters for everyone"
1:34:30 smoke a blunt on stage? "it's still illegal here isn't it?" one guy said no "yes it is, yes it is"
best aussie accent "no way, I'm not doing that"
"wife, poof! what the hell did you bring me to this island for?"

https://youtu.be/Q_zjdmkou0Q?si=pUBMK_vNPdciPQOf&t=1624
guy staring directly back at you
"you don't want them to be up to anything"
~30:00 lol simon says

https://youtu.be/Q_zjdmkou0Q?si=EodAeWivvjyx4cwa&t=3450
the hockey game bit "a good goal will do it"

https://youtu.be/Q_zjdmkou0Q?si=SfIpc2uw4jeR5eVN&t=5299
"sam would win objectively but I would win metaphysically"